wat bout pragnant strippers??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
