so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
