He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
