You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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