but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
