I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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