Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
