It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
