so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
