im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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