I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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