We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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