Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
