Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
