I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My ass is underappreciated
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
