Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
