I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
