It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
