I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
