Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
