Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
