We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
