Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
