last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
