new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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