you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
