saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
