I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
