A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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