saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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