omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
