I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
did i walk over a car last night?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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