I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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