we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
