And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
