Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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