I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
