Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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