it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
