I met the friendliest cop last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize