the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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