Don't you send me to vm
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize