More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
