He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
