I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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