like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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