that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
