I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
