I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
