Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
