ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
