I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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