Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
