whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
