is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
