How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
