her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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