Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
