the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
