I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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