I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
