where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
