New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
