They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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