Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
