i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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